In the bay area our seasons have seasons. Meaning within Spring we can have a false summer or winter experience. It is never predictable and you can not rely on just looking at the sky to see what to wear. Just the other day I wore a blouse, skinny jeans, a peacoat, and sandals to work; only because it was 50 degrees in the morning with a chance of 65-70 degrees by 12pm . The weather be really bipolar during these months. You never really know what to expect just be looking at the current conditions. Likewise so has been my life experiences.
My Shift Experience
I have been overwhelmed with work this past month with crazy deadlines and unexpected projects to turnaround. I found myself in a head space of stress and complacency. Also, while I continue to work on my driving anxiety I started to feel disconnected from the rest of the world. Everyone is going out and having a good time while I can't even go within a 2 mile radius from my house without a panic attack (let alone think about it). Is this going to be my life? Am I stuck in this loop that is unfulfilling and lonely? I had to have a deep cry with God on this one because something had to change. I needed some type of sign that things will shift, and just this last week he gave it to me. A month ago I took some advice and reached out to local organizations (strangers) about my Manifesting Your Abundant Life program. Y'all know me by now. I am a deep introvert and am not good at building new connections off a whim. But I did it. WELL, this one of the organizations contacted me back. We connected and I learned more about their organizational goals, I shared about mine, and it all went well. Now, I am excited about it more than I can explain, but this blog is about my shift experience. I physically had to go to meet up with this lady...yes drive. You would think I would have been nervous and found an excuse "can we just zoom?". But I wasn't and I didn't. I had to step into a physical shift from being afraid to get in that car to anxiously excited about getting to my destination. I felt hopeful of the opportunity. I also felt a mental shift in my confidence and self-perspective. Here I am talking about me and my program proudly. It felt like I belonged in this space, as if my entire being was just waiting for this one event to shift out of my normal routine, my comfort zone, and move in a space of possibility and newness. My creative spirit began to come alive so much that after the meeting my energy didn't end there. I got to crafting new material for my business, outlining different ideas for the future, and cleaning my patio (I needed a space to release this energy y'all). I shifted from being stagnant to growing in new possibilities. And then Sasha joined the party.
Faith over Fear
You may have heard in my social content me referencing "Sasha". She is the sassy chic in my head that comes just in time to bust my bubble. Sasha is a depiction of the fierce confidence I want to bring out, but through comparison she fills me with doubt and is very loyal in reminding me of my insecurities of where I came from. She is so reliable, especially in the experience I shared above, when, in her predictable style, she pushed the imposter syndrome button (didn't see that coming...not!).
"Who are you to this community to be teaching them anything?"
"You don't even have yourself together, so how are you going to help anyone else?" "Are you sure you want to wear THAT?"
"You have no idea what you are doing".
Yup, she held nothing back while I was in the meeting, on my way back from the meeting, and even sporadically throughout the day to this moment while I am drafting this blog. She is relentless. But no match for my sister. I say this a lot too but I am blessed to have a sister who gets me and sees my worth when my own sight gets clouded. I was sharing with her my worries, of course I framed it as 'trying to prepare for the worst' and she told me the very thing I needed to hear to pull me out of Sasha's ocean of doubts I was drowning in.
She said "It is like re-potting a plant. When you take it from a small pot to a larger pot, if you don't readjust the roots and brush them off it still holds itself as if it is still in the small pot. You have to reposition them in the new space they are in." CHIIIIILD when she said that, I almost cried. I sat with that for some time, meditating on how I am physically and emotionally being shifted from one pot to another, and that my roots, or my faith, needed to be readjusted. I have done so much in my past works. It is the same seed, same soil, just a different pot. In other words, I have proof that I can do this and be successful, I just need to readjust my perspective and deepen my faith in myself and gifts to do that in this new space. God never gives us more than we can bare; so who am I to fear.
Words to take with you: Fear is not something to be ashamed of. The feeling of fear gets the best of us all the time. Be ashamed when you allow that fear to dictate what you do and how far you go. Instead repurpose that energy to push you through. It will activate your faith so much you wouldn't even know how you got to that new thing. Also, as I am sure my sister would say, take time to tend to your roots. Water that seed inside of you and pay attention to the seasons to prepare for your shift!
"When you are greeted with darkness, respond back with your bright light. Your shine is what they have been yearning for, sis!" (-Me)
Testimony: They booked me!! I facilitate my first of many workshops with the group this month...look at God work!!! #staylit